SILENT TEARS...

SILENT TEARS
by Heather Loughton
A thunderous silence
breaks through my thoughts.
What was once many great ideas
is now a triumph, lost.

Baffling words tumble through my mind.
Reflections of darkness hover.
A disturbing peacefulness beckons to me,
and inside myself, I take cover.

What would it be like to stay there forever?
To be lost in all my cares?
From the inside, looking out -
I cry silent tears

शीशे से बनी एक लड़की!!

(शीशे से बनी एक लड़की
पत्थर के नगर में आई) - २
वोह ढून्ढ रही थी मोटी
और पत्थर से टकराई
शीशे से बनी एक लड़की
पत्थर के नगर में आई
(शीशे से बनी यह लड़की
इस बात से है अनजानी) - २
जब रेत चमकती है तो
लगती है दूर से पानी
यह फूल है सब कागज़ के
लेकिन वोह समझ न पायी
शीशे से बनी एक लड़की
पत्थर के नगर में आई
वोह ढून्ढ रही थी मोटी
और पत्थर से टकराई
(शीशे से बनी लड़की से
कह दो के न बाद में रोना) - २
कुछ लोग हैं जो पीतल के
कहते है वोह ख़ुद को सोना
(यह झूट का पुल टूटेगा
और गहरी है ग़म की खायी) - २
शीशे से बनी एक लड़की
पत्थर के नगर में आई
वोह ढून्ढ रही थी मोटी
और पत्थर से टकराई.....................

Why did i fail to understand these lyrics in life ?? Ignorance....,may be!!

बेवफा हसरतें!

हसरतों से हो जाती थी मुलाकात कभी-कभी ख़्वाबों में,
पर अब तो कमबख्त नींद भी नहीं आती इन आखों में.............

तेरे लिए दोस्त.......

कभी यूँ भी होता है की हिम्मत उदास होती है ,
अफ़सोस खुशी बाजारों में कहाँ मिलती है........
उठ, उस आईने से गर्द हटा , दो चमकती आंखों में तेरी कायनात बस्ती है!!

निचोढ़ !!

सुमुंदर की गहराईथी आँखों में मेरी, तुमने सिर्फ़ रंगत देखि,
सुकरात सी सोच थी खामोशी में मेरी, तुमने सिर्फ़ फुर्सत देखि.....
कहा जो मैंने शायद" ही" वो भी सुम्झा , अनकहा सुमझते तो उल्फत होती
शिकायत किस्से करूं, तन्हाई लपेटे खड़ी हूँ
हर तरफ है भीढ़ पर अंधेरों से अपने अकेले ही लड़ी हूँ
ध्वस्त नहीं है उत्साह , हौसलों में अब भी चढान है
डूबता है दिल कभी -२ आखिर सीने में जिसके है, वो सिर्फ़ एक इंसान है
समेटते हैं फिर टूटे -बिखरे साहस को ,जानती हूँ अथक चलना ही जीवन की पहचान है
रुक कर टूट जाना ये तो सबसे आसान है ...............................
इक खलिश सी उठती है कभी की रास्ता इतना दुर्गम न होता
जो किसी ने सच्चे दिल से मेरा साथ दिया होता
पर वो भी क्या करें मजबूर उसका भी ईमान है
समझा दिया है समय ने, मेरी तरह लड़ रहा वो भी अपना संग्राम है !!!




what world have we arrive in......now family & friends wait for ur status change to know ur plight & then indulge in frivolous..."take care honey "thing, the warmth totally missing.
The connection heart to heart, yes, i'm still strong believer of telepathy has lost its signals among more sophisticated electronic ones which envelops us all round . People ignore till absolutely necessary to get involved in woes of others on whom they technically in very worldly way dote on till absolutely necessary cos they have enough of their own issues to deal with , pretext used here being "giving space."I really wonder if this was the world , i opened my eyes in..........................no & equally important, is this the world , i'd like to close my eyes on......answer "no" . Then ..what????????
I know only one thing, i cant carry the back-pack of relationships which have stopped yielding anything,I now have vowed to invest only in people who down the line have withstood my tantrums, dealt wid my anxieties, open heartedly embraced me as much as i've been on the other side, in all people who've untiringly loved me with all my folly's & stupidities, i guess it lessens my pain to an extent of not getting back my due in return.
I sound so much like people i despise but i guess its important for my survival now.

PALLAVI

The void , I thought could never be filled by anyone not because nobody fitted the bill but more because no one noticed it in my life, WHY????? cos people have life to live, they are busy.I can now claim ,is beautifully fitted in by you .....my beloved didi pallavi. I never told you anything about this void but you were concerned truly to unearth it from under the various wraps ,i hid it in. I didn't talk bout it ever but you were focussed enough to sense the undercurrent .I never could cure it but you went out of your way to balm it with your soothing words & unsung gestures . I know , thank you is not acceptable to you but still ............I want you to know You are special & very precious to me . You re my hero....you are my elder sis, god forgot to give me in time but he has more than made up for his folly.Just a reminder ..."I LOVE YOU" & really look upto you. THANKS FOR BEING THERE FOR ME PAL....LOVEU.

नज़्म उलझी हुई है सीने में......गुलज़ार!

नज़्म उलझी हुई है सीने में
मिसरे अटके हुए है होठो पर
उड़ते फिरते हैं तितलियों की तरह
लफ्ज़ कागज़ पे बैठते ही नही
कब से बैठा हू मैं जानम
सादे कागज़ पे लिखके नाम तेरा

बस तेरा नाम ही मुकम्मल है
इससे बहतर भी नज़्म क्या होगी.................................

महादेवी वर्मा की प्रणय कविता....

मेरी पहली नज़्म..

कीतनी खामोश सी है खामोशी
कीतना दर्दनाक सा ये सन्नाटा
कीतनी बेचैन है ये बेचैनी
बड़ा बेवफा सा वक्त जो न लौट पाता
क्या हासिल, कौनसा साहील
सैलाब ने पी ही लीया शहर सारा......
वो यादों के खंडहर भी
वो नशीले से मंज़र भी
वो आसुओं की मुस्कराहट भी
वो हँसते हुए खंजर भी
इक लम्हा भी न पीछे छूटा ,बह गया हर नज़ारा..................
ये लहर क्यों मूढ़-मूढ़ कर कर आती है इस पार
मेरे बुत से टकरा कर लौट जाती है हर बार
किसकी तलाश है, क्या ढूंढती है
ले कर आगोश में गर्दा सारा.........
चील-कौव्वे खा गए तेरे-मेरे बीच बीते हर लम्हे को
उस गली को, मुंडेर को, सारे रास्तों को,
फिर भी कैसी धींट है
यादों के भंवर ने छोढ़हा नहीं आज भी उम्मीद का सहारा................

तय तो बहुत कुछ हुआ था........

दोस्ती मैं हर एक लम्हा विसाल होगा यह तय हुआ था
बिछढ़ के भी एक दूसरे का ख्याल होगा यह तय हुआ था

चलो की फैजान कश्तियों को जला दें गुमनाम साहिलों पर
की अब यहाँ से न वापसी का सवाल होगा यह तय हुआ था

यह क्या की सांसें उखड गई हैं सफर के आगाज़ ही में यारों
कोई भी थक कर न रास्ते में निढाल होगा यह तय हुआ था ........................

उल्फत के वादे भूल गए
बिछड़ने का तकाजा याद रहा
चलो मुहब्बत की दोनों रस्में निभा दी तुमने.....

Tate-a tate with my god !!

yeah....my 33 rd birthday is on its way. hmmmmm..what have I done after living for so long???? This still remains the biggest question I raise on my existence, as aging , the impact of not able to answer it yet is becoming huge, no.....colossal.
Time is running out & I'm still trying to find a foot hold,How wasted I feel.
Looking around, i know & understand there is alot that needs to be done but, how??
This tryst gets to me on every birthday that I celebrate , with so much guilt I cut the cake & blow the candles , yet i do it , why?? Coz m too entangled in worldly fads , my spirit still entrapped in ancient caves, my effort to liberate failed yet another year.......


Dear god, help me pave my way to true liberation ,I promise to tread on it always.
Give me the strength to start afresh with renewed vigour & ample force to rebound my spirit at this new chance towards..... you ,I promise to not collapse in between.
Hold my hand like always in darkness , I promise to grope my way towards a new dawn without letting you down.
Just be with me & keep guiding me always , I promise to live this year as well......

पता है मैं आज भी जिंदा हूँ !!

तुमने तो आखिरी धागा भी उधेढ़ दिया हमारे रिश्ते का,
भूल ही चुके थे मेरी हथेली की गर्मी ,वो तुम्हारे प्यार से चमकती मेरी आंखों की नरमी,

अब मिले तो किसके नाम से पुकारोगे..........

गुलज़ार की त्रिवेणी!!

* ये माना इस दौरान कुछ साल बीत गए है
फिर भी आंखों में चेहरा तुम्हारा समाये हुए है...

किताबों पे धुल जमने से कहानी कहाँ बदलती है ।

*एक-एक याद उठाओ और पलकों से पोंछ केर वापिस रख दो,

अश्क नहीं ये आँख में रखे कीमती-२ शीशे हें

ताक़ से गिर के कीमती चीज़ें अक्सर टूट भी जाया करती हैं .

*मुझे आज कोई और रंग न लगाओ,

पुराना लाल रंग एक आज भी ताज़ा है

अरमानों का खून हुए ज्यादा दिन नहीं हुए हें.

How can a men be so sensitive, his writings enthuses his keen observation, his words give meaning to every inexplicable feeling, he gives vision to battered hearts, no wonder he is a legend.....!

BEST GIFT I'VE EVER RECIEVED....thanx pallavi!

Those who know Nidhi ..and know her well ...we all salute her strength and the way she is living her life...hats off to you Nidhi ...i gain my strength from you...and this poem is dedicated to you.

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...

A strong woman walks sure footedly ...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...
but a woman of strength wears grace...

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
BY PALLAVI RAO.

"I'm overwhelmed......thanku girlie"

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Thanx nimi, thats the best compliment, i've ever recieved......

खलिश--------जावेद अख्तर !

मैं पा सका न कभी इस खलिश से छुटकारा,
वो मुझसे जीत भी सकता था जाने क्यों हारा,

बरस के खुल गए हैं आंसू, निठेर गई है फिजा,
चमक रहा है सरे-शाम दर्द का तारा,

किसीकी आँख से टपका था एक अमानत है,
मेरी हथेली रखा हुआ ये अंगारा,

जो पर समेटे तो एक शाख भी ना पाई ,
खुले थे पैर तो मेरा आसमा था सारा,

वो सांप छोढ़ दे डसना yऐ मैं भी कहता हूँ,
मगर लोग छोडेंगे न उसको गर न फुंकारा .............

निमिषा...तुम्हारे लिए!

गम खाया है, आंसू पिए हैं,

तिल-तिल करते रोज़ जिए हैं,

क्या बताएं तुम्हें , क्या जानना चाहोगी,

apne हाथों से अपने ज़ख्म सिये हैं................

बीता कल था बीत गया,

घाव था एक जो रिसता रहा,

कब, कहाँ, कैसे कुछ याद नहीं,

उस ज़ख्म पर रुई के फाये कभी रखे नहीं......

इंतज़ार करती हूँ अब तो सिर्फ़ मौत का जाकर पूछूं खुदा से ऊपर किसी दिन,

क्या सोचा था, हार जाऊंगी, टूट जाऊंगी,

कैसे लगा तुम्हें ,मुझमें तुमसे लड़ने का दम नहीं ....................

आज शायद मैं सो पाऊंगी....

आज शायद मैं सो पाऊंगी,

स्वप्ना सजीले के दर्पण में ख़ुद से आँखें मिला पाऊंगी,

कुछ अद्भुत हुआ क्या आज? तुम पूछोगे,

उत्तर इस प्रश्न का कैसे समझा पाऊंगी,

कुछ ख़ास तो नहीं फिर भी कुछ भिन्न था,

अपने रोज़मर्रा के काम की थकान से मन काफ़ी खिन्न था,

फिर भाग्य ने मुझे मौका दिया,

एक "माँ" के दर्द ने मुझे चौंका दिया,

उसका नन्हा बालक बहुत बीमार था, सड़क पर एक मैली -कुचैली सी गुदडी में लिपटा लेटा हुआ उसे तेज़ बुखार था,

वो "माँ" एक धोबन थी, उसके चारों तरफ़ प्रेस करने वाले कपडों का अम्बार था,

बेचारी अपने काम से आँखें चुरा कर बीच-बीच में देख लेती थी,हर माँ की तरह मन उसका भी लाचार था,

मैं काफ़ी देर तक छत्त से बैठी ये क्रम देखती रही,उस प्रेस के खोखे में आज अजीब सी खामोशी का हाहाकार था,

कुछ देर बाद वहां की बेचैन खामोशी मुझे विचलित करने लगी,

मेरे मन में भी ममता की चीत्कार उठने लगी,

मैं झटपट उतर कर सड़क-पार गई, हलके से उस "माँ" के कंधे पर हाथ रखा,

विस्मित ,विक्षिप्त सी "माँ" ने तुंरत पलट कर सामने खड़ी दूसरी माँ की आँख में अपने दुःख का भाव देखा,

उस बेचारी के सबर का बाँध टूट पड़ा, आंखों से अश्रु धारा बहने लगी,

कुछ कहे , कुछ अनकहे शब्दों के बीच वो अपने भाग्य को कोसने लगी ,

मजदूरी करना उसकी मजबूरी थी, एक वो ही थी गृहस्थी में जो हाथ-पाऊँ से पूरी थी,

बिलख-बिलख कर रोती उस सामने खड़ी " माँ "की आवाज़ मेरे कानों में सीसा घोल रही थी ,

वो उसका जीवन सत्य था , प्रतीत होता जैसे कहानी बोल रही थी,

एक अपाहिज की बीवी और पाँच अबोध बच्चों की माँ थी,

लोग धोबन ही समझते ,भूल जाते की वो भी हाड-मांस की बनी इंसान थी ,

वो मन को बेंधती आँखें, जर्जर सा हड्डियों का ढांचा, बोलते बोलते मुझ में इंसानियत को ढूंढ रहा था,

शर्मसार थी मैं , मुझे कुछ हल नहीं सूझ रहा था,

उसके अंतर्मन की आंधी निशब्द हो कर जब रुकी, मेरी पढ़ी-लिखी पलक स्वतः नीचे झुकी,

कितने निष्ठुर-कितने स्वार्थी हैं हम लोग जो ख़ुद को संपन्न कहते हैं,

शिक्षा के सार की निरंतर निर्लज्जता से अवहेलना करते रहते हैं,

क्या सीखा हमने ?कुछ भी तो नहीं,

एक इंसान का दुःख भी अगर हम बाँट नहीं सकते हैं,

अमीर-गरीब,छोटा-बड़ा,साक्षर-निरक्षर की खाई को अगर हम पाट नहीं सकते हैं,

क्यों उसकी पीड़ा -मेरी पीड़ा से कम है, क्यों उसकी ममता -मेरी ममता में अन्तर है,

बनाने वाला तो सुना है सबका वही एक इश्वर है..........................

धिक्कार है इस दिखावे की चकाचौंध पर ,जो एक माँ को दूसरी माँ का दुःख समझने से रोकती है,

नोच फेंकती हूँ इन सामजिक रूढियों को मैं आज जो वर्गीकरण के नाम पर गरीबों का खून पूरी चुस्ती से चूसती है,

केवल स्थिर खड़े रह कर उसके कहे को सुना मैंने, एक असहाय बहादुर सबला के दुःख को आत्मसार किया मैंने,

मन हल्का कर लेने से ही वो कृतज्ञ थी,

इसके आगे कुछ करूं मैं, न उसे अपेक्षा थी-न ही मैं समर्थ थी,

एक माँ ने कहा- एक माँ ने सुना,

वात्सल्य ने नया सा रिश्ता बुना....

बस इसके आगे और नहीं कुछ कह पाऊंगी,

मैं भी स्वार्थी हूँ, यही सोच कर खुश हूँ की शायद आज मैं सो पाऊंगी............................

मुशायरा !!

निधि........कोई उत्साह नहीं, कोई उमंग नहीं, मेरी इन्द्रधनुष में आज कोई रंग नहीं.........



पल्लवी............दर्द है, नासूर है , कोई कज़ा है,
कौन जाने है की मेरे जी में क्या है,
तुम तो खुशफहमी में हमदर्दी जताओ!

निधि...........खुशफहमी में तो ज़िन्दगी बेजार कर ली हमने,
कोई आए-हमें समझे,इस इंतज़ार में ज़िन्दगी निसार कर दी हमने,
ये इंतज़ार शायद कभी ख़तम नहीं होगा,उम्मीद से दोस्ती फिर भी बरकरार राखी हमने !!

पल्लवी............शायरा हो तुम,
एक उम्र से स्याह करती हो सिर्फ़ कागज़ तमाम,
जो होती सौदागर तो किताबें छापतीं !!



मज़ा आ गया पल्लवी, लफ्जों के इस लें - देन में..............

मैं और मेरी तन्हाई!!

ज़िन्दगी को छोटे-२ लम्हों में जिया है मैंने,

जो जब तक साथ चला, हमकदम बन साथ दिया है मैंने,

दो -राहे पर आकर गर पाँव रुके कभी तो हसरतों को हसीं मोढ़ दे कर छोढ़ दिया मैंने,

उबड़-खाबड़ रास्तों पर रुकना सीखा ही नहीं था, अपनी मंजिल तक की पगडण्डी को ख़ुद निखारा मैंने ,

आज बे- रंग, फीकी, धुंधली सी दिखती है परछाईं शायद मेरी , पर ज़िन्दगी के हर रंग को छुआ है मैंने.............

ज़रूरत है प्रयास की !!

सीमेंट की इमारतें और खचाखच भरी सड़कें हैं,

आसमान का नीलापन धूमिल-धुंधला सा है,

असमंजस की स्तिथि है,

इतने विशाल शहर की भीड़ में हर इंसान अकेला है,

जीवन का उद्देश्य केवल जीवन यापन है ,

नित्य कर्म की निवृति को समझ लिया खुशी का समागम है,

मिलना- जुलना, हँसना - खेलना केवल एक सतही आदत है,

झाँक केर देखो भीतर ह्रदय में तो असीम - निराकार खोखलापन है,

अन्तर-निरंतर मैं भी इस भीड़ का हिस्सा बन चुकी हूँ,

क्षितिज तो दूर अपने आसमान से भी कट चुकी हूँ,

होठों पर मुस्कराहट और आंखों में खुशी का भ्रम है,

अपने अंतर्मन में प्रतिदिन ये अभिनीत कर पाना बड़े जीवत का श्रम है,

क्यों हम इस चक्रव्यूह से बाहिर निकलने का रास्ता नहीं ढूंढते,

क्यों अपने ही असत्य की कैद से रिहाई नहीं चाहते,

क्या भय है , ऐसी क्या मजबूरी है,

पूछो स्वयं से, प्रश्न उठाओ,

इस मृगतृष्णा के रंगमंच पर क्या कठपुतली बन कर जीवन होम कर देना, इतना ज़रूरी है..........?

प्रयत्न करो, ये विश्वास जगाओ, अपने ही विचारों को ध्वनि देने से कभी न घबराओ,

जीवन पूर्ण करने हेतु जनम नहीं लिया इस पृथ्वी पे,

अपनी सोच को आकार देना अत्यन्त ज़रूरी है,

जीवन अमूल्य है, इसे मिथ्या के चंगुल से खींच निकालो,

nirbhay , निडर, निश्छल हो कर स्वयं को झिंझोड़ डालो,

निर्भय, निडर, निश्छल हो कर इंसानियत से हाथ मिला लो ,

जीते तो सभी हैं,

तुम अपने जीवन को एक मिसाल बना लो, तुम अपने जीवन को एक मिसाल बना लो!!

***"सुमन "को कोटि-कोटि धन्यवाद, इस विडियो को सम्भव करने के लिए!!

कोशिष करना वालों की हार नहीं होती.........

लहरों से डरकर नौका पार नहीं होती,
कोशिष करने वालों की हार नहीं होती,
नन्ही चींटी जब दाना लेकर चढ़ती है,
चढ़ती दीवारों पर सौ बार फिसलती है,
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है,
चढ़कर गिरना, गिरकर चढ़ना न अखरता है,
आख़िर उसकी मेहनत बेकार नहीं होती,
कोशिष करने वालों की हार नहीं होती,
डुबकियां सिन्धु में गोताखोर लगाते हैं,
जा जा कर खाली हाथ लौट कर आते हैं,
मिलते नहीं मोती सहज ही गहरे पानी में,
बढ़ता दुगुना उत्साह ही हैरानी में,
मुट्ठी खाली उसकी हर बार नहीं होती,
कोशिष करने वालों की हार नहीं होती,
असफलता एक चुनौती है,
इसे स्वीकार करो,
क्या कमी रह गई ,
देखो और सुधार करो,
जब तक न सफल हो,
नींद-चैन को त्यागो तुम,
संघर्ष का मैदान छोढ़कर न भागो तुम,
कुछ किए बिना ही जय-जयकार नहीं होती,
कोशिष करने वालों की हार नहीं होती............................!!!
"हरिवंश राइ बच्चन "

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE........

My point............
for few days, i was in hibernation, thinking things over & introspecting alot. good thing , now i'm calm, composed & ready to take charge.

for quite sometime, i've been pondering over the kind of world we r living in & legacy that we r building to leave behind for our children, not surprisingly, the more i'm thinking, the more...... i'm frustrated.
i was tuned in to "news " yesterday & my son popped a question..mom , whats democracy???????
This simple question baffled me coz though i knew the constitutional meaning of the word, i didn't have right kind of examples to quote.......

what do i tell him, i'm still searching for the examples...... help me please.

a)I am hooked to this channel "lok sabha", i love its talk-shows & other current issues programmes....blame it on my love for everything old, this program "baaton baaton mein" is hosted by mrinal pandey, editor, hindustan, she was interviewing nandita das....must see guys. it cointributes alot to ur thinking train, i'd like to mention an excerpt where the two ladies were talking bout marriages & sanctity of this institution & is it importatnt for legislature to intervene in this particular matter. nandita quoted from her life that when she seperated from her husband............ladies wud come & question her that" why did u guys seperate , wo to aapko bahut kaam kerna allow kerte the?" she answered "wo issue nahin tha ji, main bhi unko utna hi allow kerti hoon".............i loved her precise & to the point yet don't cross ur line/ how naive can u be in a all goody-goody way answer. at the same time, it had me thinking, isn't it true for 80% ladies of our society, they need permission from there spouses to work/ they work to support their spouses & yet our second class citizens in society. is this democracy/ progression of society...........even if a handful of us "the thinking breed " has been successful in bringing about circumstantial change in our society, I think we still need to change our outlook big time...................u agree or not?

b) jaswant singh gets expelled from BJP..........his crime/sin- writing a book on the inside-outs of political scenario during independence & indo-pak.......division. DEMOCRACY, freedom of expression............... gone for good . S hould the same rule have applied to advani for advocating jinnah as a non-secular leader.........but advani was required in the party as a priminsterial candidate. ur take on this?


c) shahrukh khan's frisking at newark airport is a news, nationally & internationally, DR. kalam's frisking is just a quote for comparison between both the cases........what comparison........ who is shahrukh khan in comparison to the ex-head of india, world's largest democracy...... cant we see throgh the attention seeking , publicity stunt or we take anything in the name of news served to us along with bed tea. How thinking, we actually are????????


From my experience of having interacted with lot of women, women from every strata & different walks of life, i remember a few incidences which haunts me day in & day out, the synopsis is accounted below..........
Women who work, don't know they r being paid in full or not ( not talking bout a small % in corporates jobs only), their husbands file their taxes & calculate returns, from there own hard earned money.......they r given pocket money& that too they r accountable for expenditures to their spouses, they try to hide their incentives from their husbands & ask it to be paid in cash so that it does not show on record.................i've stories & stories to share.


all I can say is ...............
Be the change u want to see. dont just be a sitting duck.

starting point can be the women u interact with......................see it as a mission, make them think, make them realize their worth, it cud be any1, ur MIL/SIL/SIS/MOM/AUNT/NEIGHBOUR/COLLEAGUE. be clear about ur thoughts, voice ur opinion & let them listen, kabhi to 1-2% retain karenge ye log. we r 477 women who claim to be different & thinking, if each one of us can bring about change in 5 women around us, in a slow/sluggish process, can we not contribute constructively. koi aisi "cliche" words kehta hai ki hum kya ker sakte hain/ yahi niyam hai/ hum aurat hain/ humare haath mein kuch bhi nahin hai to uski counselling kero, kerte raho jab tak ya to wo na thak jaaye ya uske andar change dikhna na shuru ho jaaye. nahin ker sakte hain kya hum log ye......................?????????????


if not, then my dears, we need to change our outlook first

अफ़सोस!

ख्वाबों की अर्थी उठाने के लिए चार काँधे भी नहीं थे मेरे पास, अपने अरमानों का जनाजा भी तनहा निकाला मैंने.........................

पथरीली आँखें (नई त्रिवेणी)

पथरा गयीं थीं आँखें ज़माने पहले तेरे इंतज़ार में,
आहिस्ता-आहिस्ता खुदी ने हमें भी पत्थर बना दिया.......
आँख की पोर से ये पानी सा क्या छलक उठा आज फिर!!

WAY OF LIFE!

A poem by Jesse Owens--

Thanks to those who hated me
you made me a stronger person.

Thanks to those who loved me
you made my heart grow fonder.

Thanks to those who envied me
you made my self-esteem grow stronger.

Thanks to those who cared
you made me feel important.

Thanks to those who entered my life
you made me who I am today.

Thanks to those who left
you showed me that nothing lasts forever.

Thanks to those who stayed
you showed me the true meaning of friendship


I love this poem, it aquaints me with the ways of life!

Touched my heart..........so true for all of us especially me!

i am .............a woman!!!!!http://www.orkut.co.in/Main#Community.aspx?cmm=28539248

I worked late but you don't wait up
My bones ache and i'm cleaning the place up
Sometimes i don't even know i care

I sit down take off my make-up
I lay down but you don't wake up
Sometimes i wonder if you know i'm there

I can't remember the last time you
Told me i'm beautiful, and i can't remember
Last time you said anything at all

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And i deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

Now i hope that you don't wake up
When it's too late to make up
You'll be the one that's alone and that's sad

In time you'll find somebody
The truth is she'll never be me
And that's when you're going to miss what we had

When all i really needed to hear was "you're beautiful"
All i really needed to hear was anything at all

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And i deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

I'm not your friend who only needs you sometimes
And if i'm your lady
You got to treat me like...

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And i deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

A woman needs your heart
A woman needs your all
A woman needs your everything
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
And i deserve your everything
I'm a woman
I'm a woman
I'm a woman

I am very proud of the fact that "I AM A WOMAN!!" & much more happier that i could put across this vivid but profound thought across to so many like-minded women through my orkut community "I am......a woman!!!", IAW as fans have fondly christened it is, every woman's private space, her venting platform, her own sanctuary, her own world, where she drops all pretentions & become just her-AN INDIVIDUAL. For few minutes in a day, she relieves her domestic burdens, official woes, personal traumas, her duties & responsibilities & invest herself in re-igniting that forgotten spark of her own passions, her abilities & her talents to return to her real world refreshed, recharged & rejuvenated. Its fondly called as our virtual-spiritual spa .

ONLY IF

क़दम उसी मोड़ पैर जमे हैं,नज़र समेटे हुए खडा हूँ,
जूनून ये मजबूर कर रहा है पलट कर देखूं, खुदी कहती है कि मोढ़ मुद जाऊं,
अगरचे एहसास कह रहा है,खुले दरीचे के पीछे दो आँखें झांकती हैं,अभी मेरे इंतज़ार में वो भी जागती हैं,
कहीं तो उसके गोशा-इ दिल में दर्द होगा,
उसे ये जिद है कि मैं पुकारूँ, मुझे तकाज़ा कि वो बुला ले,
कदम उसी मोढ़ पर जमे हैं, नज़र समेटे खडा हूँ..................


Ego clashes smothers the spirit of true love, they often drift you apart from people who are your life, like any other war they don't yield anything, all they leave behind are the sights of destruction bloody & gory, they mar your heart for life and as life moves on, this one regret never leaves your side that ONLY IF.......You had made that first move, ONLY IF...... you had fought that high tide, ONLY IF....

नजराना.

जिए जा रहे हैं ज़िन्दगी को लतीफा समझ कर यूँ तो हँसी काफ़ी महेंगी है ज़माने में ,
कुछ अजीज़ हैं आपके जैसे जो एहसास दिलाते हैं वक्त-बेवक्त कि अभी हम जिंदा हैं इस बेमुररवत दुनिया में.........................

राखी के लिए...............

खामोशी!

एक पुराना मौसम लौटा, याद भरी पुरवाई भी,

ऐसा तो कम ही होता है, वो भी हों तन्हाई भी,

यादों कि बौछारों से जब पलकें भीगने लगती हैं,

कितनी सौंधी लगती है तब मांझी कि रुसवाई भी,

दो दो शक्लें दिखती हैं इस बहके से आईने में,

मेरे साथ चला आया है आपका दिल सौदाई भी,

खामोशी का हासिल भी इक लम्बी सी खामोशी है,

उनकी बात सुनी हमने अपनी बात सुनाई भी.
गुलज़ार....

जज़्बात..........(मेरी पहली त्रिवेणी)

दफ़न कर दिए हैं वो जज़्बात वक्त की कब्र में मैंने,
न खोदो इस ईमारत को ,
कि ये मेरा ताजमहल है.........

अर्ज़ किया है...........

वो ज़िन्दगी क्या जिस में प्यार न हो,
वो प्यार क्या जिसमें दर्द न हो,
दर्द कहाँ गर कोई बेदर्द न हो
और वो दर्द क्या जो नासूर न हो.............

thanx pal for sharing this poem.........

I Float on Your Arm

I float on your arm

And try not to think

You sit in stillness

Holding my self

One candle between us

And the world beyond........

You are there for me

Will always be there

When the lights go out

Why is it.........that I still wait

For someone?

BY deepti naval


This poem doesn't only touch my heart it clutches it.

MY SECRET RECIPE!!

ONE LINER ON OUR 10TH ANNIVERSARY BY MY DEAR HUSBAND ------ "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." HEHEHEHE........SO TRUE MY DEAR.

Being there, done that.........here's a secret to our marriage .


10 years is a long time to have spent with each other, seeing the best & the worst but its been a beautiful journey. No sooner u utter the word anniversary, people throw a question at you, "Dear it was LOVE or ARRANGE?". Almost on a reflex,I always give the same answer, how does that matter????. Its marriage we are talking sweetheart, Marriage is a commitment of lifetime. U need to nurture it with the right ingredients . Love or Arrange........the ingredients that goes into making it a success are just the same,let me share my recipe for it.
* Big chunk of understanding,
*loads of patience,
* tons of trust,
* sprig of space to each other &
*a dash of surprises.
You sure cannot go wrong with this...........DO TRY IT PLEASE.

कुछ यूँ बीता ये दशक..............

रवीश-

ज़िन्दगी तुम्हारे साथ,
कभी नीम की निबौली थी तो कभी रसगुल्ले की चाशनी,
कहीं अल्हढ़ सी अटखेली थी तो कहीं सरहद की छावनी,
दो अजनबी- हमकदम, हमराज़, हमसाये बन साथ चले थे,
एक दूजे के रंग रंगे, नए सांचे में ढले थे,
प्यार, विश्वास, दोस्ती, इस सफर का आधार रहे,
मंजिल का तो पता नहीं पर मील के पत्थर कई पार हुए.......................


मुबारक हो शादी की दसवीं वर्षगाँठ......27 june.

A LIGHTNING BOLT!

On a recent train journey, as per my old habit, i was flipping through the pages of my favourite magazine "HEALTH"(may 2009 edition). Amongst dozing people, shrieking children, smelling toilets I was unable to concentrate enough to read any article thoroughly but a feature caught my fancy at once. No sooner I had raced my eyes on the brief, I sprang up, sat straight & devoured the article word by word in rapt attention. It was a very sad account of a young boy's medical condition titled "An organic bond" under a regular feature SLICE OF LIFE. It left me shaken , all stirred - moved & very nervous, it accounted a story very similar to mine , well, it was my story with a different protagonist & i connected immediately. Ever since, I'M not the same person cheerful & happy, their on I am tensed, scared & emotionally shaken. It stirred in me a thousand storms,worse then a brewing hurricane, the fears I had pushed back for an entire year were gaping at me wide eyed once again and I felt helpless -plain & simple helpless. What makes it worse is that even if I stop thinking about my end, the lives beyond it are far more important to me & just not leaving me at peace. All said & done, I AM A MOM, have two kids under the age of 7 years and god decided on me to play this dirty joke, what wrong did I do? I can bear all the pain & believe you me its worse than labour pains, I regularly follow my checkups, I am solely responsible for my medication coz i know my responsibilities but in my hearts of heart , I know, its taking over me thus, the fear & tensions are too much to cope with, I am failing to handle the dark looming fear always lurking at the back of my mind. I am at my pretentious best to the world but my strength is caving in. I am actually living the famous quote by Dr. Ray Strand......LIVING SHORT & DYING TOO LONG. The anticipation of the worst will kill me before the disease does. I feel so lonely. I yearn to talk to people who mattered to me but they all are too engrossed in their own lives and i hate it when they fleetingly ask, "hows Ur health?"coz despite of knowing the condition factually, they indulge in wordly courtesies & it simply gets to me. I don't know how long to go but i definitely know I hate the pace.Destiny has never favoured me, whenever i need it most like some drooling slut, it goes & sleep with people who are better off even without it.I am scared, very scared . I deserve to give my kids unhindered childhood without being orphaned ,they deserve to be reared by a healthy & brave mom. God are you out their somewhere??Stop taking my exam, I'm failing it already.

NANIJI IS NO MORE

A beautiful , strong,loving woman of few days short of 80 left us all glum & grim on 9th of june'09, my nani-inlaw, my hubby's first love or so he says for her hevenly abode & I'm left with so many unanswered questions again peering up at me & discarding the answers popping up in my head . Nevertheless, they won't be answered anyhow now coz no one has time for them now amongst all the preparations & goodbyes that follows her. A Mother of 14 kids , 10 daughters & 4 sons , she had quite a roller coaster ride for life as such.seeing it all from riches to rags story which bounced back to original riches no sooner her youngest son took charge of the fanily business. She died a happy woman, contended who did all her duties impeccably & was finally confiscated to the pyre among all glitterati & festivities that follows when one dies seeing their children & grandchildren blooming fully. i wish, i could see this contentment in my life or after that & thats the blessing i seek from naniji while she strides confidently into heaven & look down on all of us from above.
LOVE U & MISS U.

उम्र का पड़ाव !

सावन की ये पहली फुहार, चाय की चुस्की, गरमा-गरम पकोडों की प्लेट , और कुछ नरम गुदगुदाती यादें, वो कॉलेज के दिन, भीगता हुआ बेपरवाह अल्हड़पन,यौवन की अटखेलियाँ और कुछ ख़ुद से किए हुए वादे,
कहाँ खो गया वो बातों का अनमोल खजाना,वो दिन में खुली आंखों से सपने सजाना, रातों को तारे गिनना और अकेले -अकेले में सपने बुनते हुए ,बिन बात मुस्कुराना।

खुश होने के लिए वजह ज़रूरी नहीं होती थी,हँसते वक्त दुनिया क्या सोचेगी इसकी कदर भी नहीं होती थी, दुनिया हम से शुरू हो कर हम पर ही आकर रूकती थी, कल किसने देखा है आज को आज ही जी लें, यही हमारी हस्ती थी।

बारिश आज फिर हुई पर कामवाली बाई छुट्टी मार गई, सूखे कपड़े उठाने जाने में कुछ देर कर दी तो ख़ुद तर-बतर हो गई, अभी संभाल भी न पायी थी ख़ुद को की यकायक दरवाज़े की घंटी बजी, दौड़ कर खोला उसे तो सामने पडोसन खड़ी थी, दोस्तों से मिलना जीवन हुआ करता था कभी, आज इस बेवक्त आए दोस्त को देख कर चहरे की रंगत उतर गई, रसोई के बर्तन आधे में छोढ़ मेहमान नवाजी में लगना पड़ा ,क्या हो गया है मुझे , क्यों किसी से पल दो पल मिलना, इतना भारी लगा????????

और पकोडे आज उतने दिलकश नहीं लगे, चाय की भाप की धुंध में बीते साल साफ़ दिखने लगे ,
ज़िम्मेदारी के बोझ तले , गृहस्ती के चक्रव्यूह में फंसकर खो दिया है शायद अपना अस्तित्व ,
वो बोल रही थी, मैं सुन रही थी पर समझ कुछ नहीं आ रहा था ,
बारिश जैसे पत्ते-२ को धो देती है ऐसे ही मेरे मस्तिष्क से धुआं छठा जा रहा था ।

फिर एक ख़याल ....

*** ऊपरवाले ने जब दिया छप्पर फाढ़ कर दिया,
जब भी झोली फैलाई,तब ही काँटों से मेरा दामन भर दिया!

** यूँ तो मुकम्मल है मेरा जहाँ बिल्कुल ,
फिर भी क्यों आँखें ढूंढती रहती हैं कुछ उस क्षितिज के परे!

* यादों के सेहरा में फिर निकल पड़े हैं सफर पर,

हर तरफ़ फैली हुई रेत पर किसी के क़दमों के निशान ढूंढते हुए!

जय हो.......!

India has given its verdict and shown the world, "VOTE KA DUM". Finally, parliament will be free of paan-sprewing,dhoti-clad, topi-dhaari,paunchy,dozing netas coz india opted for a newer gen-x leaders over them , leaders, who are tech-savvy, don designer khadi wear in absolute match with denim, who are now required to work on grass root level of their constituencies too. INDIA VOTED......the thought makes me so happy indeed, it opted for stable government over make-believe promises, national interest over casteism/regionalism -- well in some significant cases, wiping off anti-incumbency factor totally, giving it right in the face for parties who indulged in negative politics, bidding good bye to post-poll horse trading, showing self professed king-makers their right place.......hoo heehee haha.I hope, these leaders do justice to thier jobs & I hope INDIA continues to keep awake.........JAI HO!!

बस यूँ ही !

थिरक् उठे पांव आज अचानक ,बस यूँ ही ,
आए तुम याद जो आज फिर , बस यूँ ही,
कल ही की तो बात है, पतंग बन ऊड़ा करते थे हम दोनों ,
कट गई डोर फिर क्यों अचानक, बस यूँ ही,
कच्चे धागे जो बाकी थे , वो भी तार-तार हुए ,
तुम उस पार-हम इस पार ,फिर अजनबी हुए,
शायद किसी मोढ़ पर फिर मुलाकात हो कभी,
दिल को छु गया ये ख्याल आज फिर अचानक ,बस यूँ ही!

Written on 13th august'99.......

Pride and Prejudice!!

Great expectations kills relationships, as much pure & as much pious a bond you share with someone, the minute expectations comes to fore , relationships begin to sour. It is better to maintain a minimal interaction , not indulging in "who did what" and " for whom", if u treasure congenial ties------completely do away with " who went first". If a relationship is worth plunging in and there is mutual respect ,harmony, concern for each others well being........NEVER let ego clash , disrespect,malign intentions set roots in it.Of all relationships friendship is purest , so i feel, coz u choose your companions out of your own free will,there are no blood ties -marital bonds to compel you to drag a sour going relation, which is why, friendships out run most of these ties. I treasure all my friends very dearly coz they are the ones who stand by me come what may without any self interest. They make my life worth living by reminding me of my strengths and shortcomings time to time. They are my pillars of strength, They are my lifeline. In life so far, i did loose a few friends owing to fights, tiffs, quarrels and i always firmly believed that if they knew the real "me" at all, they have for sure returned back to me sooner or later. This time round, I'm yet to see what destiny has in store for me coz it is a different scenario altogether, it was not a tiff or an innocent argument, quite surprisingly, it became a war of PRIDE and PREJUDICE.......pride which got hurt on both the sides and prejudice ,a judgement was passed without justification. As much as I'm hurt , I'm eager to see the end of this colossal failure...........In our hearts of heart, we know this had long been pending and this was a divine and an expected or should i say a delayed vengeance.I guess, now your hurt ego must be completely satisfied..........?I still wish you every happiness and peace in life.

This Blog is pertaining to my soured relationship with a much treasured friend........this is how i grumble, when I'm myself!

हाले-दिल!

ये दिन क्या आए लगे फूल हंसने देखो बसंती
बसंती.....................उफ़्फ़ खुश होने के लिए भी दिल को बस
एक छोटा सा बहाना चाहिए , आज ऐसा लगता है की हाथ फैला
कर आसमान को छु लूँ , पंख फैला कर एक नई उड़ान भर लूँ । इस दिल को और क्या चाहिए , थोडी सी ज़मीन -थोड़ा
आसमान , आज वो सब कुछ पा लिया है मैंने, पांव ज़मीन पर रुक नहीं पा रहे हैं , कैसे बयान करूं अपनी खुशी लफ्जों में, सही अल्फाज़ मिलते ही नहीं । सिर्फ़ इतना कह सकती हूँ, मैं खुश हूँ ,बहुत खुश हूँ , बहुत-बहुत खुश हूँ.......उफ्फ्फ .

The New "White" Bride!!

People screaming, wallowing, crying, cursing, swearing all around where I sat. A timid , naive, innocent, beautiful bride of 16. Tears rolling down my cheek also but reason i fail to comprehend. Everyone addressing me with a new name....."bechari" but why, till 3 hours back, i was called bahurani.Few older women some related to me, some unrelated sit around me discussing my destiny.....why, these women don't even know me, how & when they became aquainted to my destiny??
I am touched, ruffled, shaken every now & then. Somebody pounced on my forehead & removed my red kumkum, others were trying to rob me off my colorful bangles, my bangles, bangles i've always loved wearing since i was a toddler, no vendor selling bindis and bangles, kajal and kumkum could go past my door without selling me some of his goods as the whole village knew my love for these things , even though maa scolded but baba always let me buy these things either for me or for my gudiya, so today why these unknown people are on this spree to seperate my prized belongings from me? Baba save ur little gudiya....please.
Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh , a women shrieked, the shrillness of her voice brought me back from the comfort of my maiden retrospect. Mataji was rolling all over my husbands body, body which due to some strange reason was lying in the middle of the aangan. Silly boy, my husband, Mohan ,he would lie down anywhere but boys at 19 are that crazy. Aren't they?????

Suddenly mataji pounced on me, cursing me, beating me, accusing me, pulling at my hair mumbling that I ate up her son, no , some mistake mataji, i should not be accused of cannabalism.
Listen to me all of you, you are mistaken......let me clarify, i'm sarita, the bride of this house- your bahurani, remember you married me to your son when i was eight, try and remember, it was a week after i married my gudiya to shanno's gudda that maa told baba that i was growing up and he should marry me off to this boy not very far from home, who had turned 11 and so baba did. For years to come, i thought, it was just a make-believe game similar to what me and shanno played very often, continuing to think so, i turned 13 , puberty knocked , biology changed, anatomically, i was still gudiya but attitude of people around changed. I was made to dress in salwar kameez, not allowed to play with kanhaioya, shyam , manoj, buddies i was growing up with. Reality struck 3 years later when that make-believe dulha and a brigade of his kins were invited to take me away from "my" home.....A week back, i had seen my maa-baba happiest in their life, attending to jamai and his relatives, maa beaming from under her ghoonghat as she achieved yet another milestone of her lifetime, she was giving me weired instructions about how mohan is my god from now on, that i should respect and obey all his commands, that i was "parai" from that minute, that mohan's house is my ultimate home in life and death, his parents will replace my maa-baba etc. etc. I was just happy being decked up like a bride , not giving much of an ear to maa, she is crazy afterall to tell me all of this, weired nonsense...i was sent away nevertheless, they all were jubilant to have done my "gauna". BUT,
its just been a week in this new house and now all of them are confusing me further , i looked around, no, not a soul i can call mine. Whom should i turn to, mohan doesn't talk to me as such, he says , he is shy. He told me once during our single interaction during my stay at his place after gauna that, he wants to earn a job in city as he was taking his intermediate examination in this week, whatever that meant. Now everyone is looking at me in disgust, hatred seeping deep in their eyes, bloodshot redness over the destiny i brought along as dowry. What should i do, it wasn't my fault if mohan slipped from the edge of the train which he boarded to go to the town in the morning to take his last exam. I for sure wouldn't have let him go if i knew the happenings beforehand ,as it is, i knew nobody in this new household and maa had told me that from now on, mohan was my god, my saviour, my lord and master.......now what do i do??
I sit in the verandah, dressed in white, no bangles, no kumkum.....maa-baba came just to tell me that this is my destiny and this is my home. I don't cry, just can't , because after mohan allegedly there is no one in the world who can wipe my tears, No one should ever touch me ,I am an untouchable and nothing but my destiny played this game with me.I have a lifetime to decipher the rules of the game but none to play it with.....I am sarita, a widow at 16!


This blog is dedicated to "A brave young woman", sister of the man who brings milk for my family. He narrated his sister's misfortune to me once & i tried to meet this small girl , how helpless and ashamed i felt as i just could do nothing for betterment of this girl, absolutely nothing to let her break the cowardly shackles of the societal "read suicidal"norms. I have failed as a member of this double faced, back-stabbing society.....I have failed as a human being!!

Realizations...........

Moments when summed together makes up life, happy moments, sad moments, lonesome moments,memorable moments,among all these array of moments some make you aquainted to changes, changes in your age, changes in your thinking, changes in your behaviour, changes in your relationships, these moments mature you as a person, they push you ahead in life, they introduce you to new found you. I met one such moment today which dawned the reality of living in fast lane, i sat back for a moment and memories reeled through my eyes of some very cute & yet very stupid incidences but at the same time, i infered, they are bygones. Let bygones be bygones is said..............Thats the reality of today, i suddenly arrived at, in one such moment. yes, let bygones be bygones!

Trials & Tribulations!

The more I try, the more I fail
The more i fail, the more it pains
I strive harder but all in vain.....
I confess to you god, my spirit seems slain
relieve me, release me from this uneventful chain!

Phir naya aagaaz!

phir sametne baithi hoon jhaadoo se ummeed ke bikhre tinkon ko,
phir jodne nikli hoon falak se toote hue sitaron ko,
naye josh se phir tasveer banati hoon gar,
rang bikhar se jaate hain,
likhti hoon kahani nayi , kyon,
lafz nikhar nahin paate hain,
aks dekha aaine mein jo aaj khud ka ,
ik pal ko saham gayi,
ye ajnabi si kyon jhankti hui, meri apni hi aankhen hain.....

In Search Of Self!

THEN STILLNESS STIRS BY DEEPTI NAVAL (From her book, BLACK WIND)
Just after we make love, or perhapsAfter we don’t
For that something
There’s this absence, this moth-eatenGnawing sense of the missingI can’t remember since when –
At the edge of the balconyWhere I see the seaFaint, appear traces of me
I move out of bed, andStart to rummage
I know it’s here somewhere…
Buried under stacks of loose sheetsAnd the chaos of togetherness
Something of what is still called me!

This poem is the true reflection of my tryst within, the void that i feel, the helplessness i experience, it echoes all the emotions of a battered heart ..makes me think and rethink, where and how i lost myself in this journey, the co-passengers are still around , the voyage ,the luggage still the same, that something missing is perhaps me, i am unable to find even the traces of my entity.......

Answer me god.....

A diminutive fledgling wanted a nest, u gave her the cage, is this justice god???????

Aren't you done yet, decieving me, betraying me, trumping me, smashing me, wasn't I your own child??????
Did I wrong so much to deserve this, was i that bad your daughter??????
Aren't you done yet, making me the sacrificial cow, ready for slaughter??????
I erred in expecting a gift of happiness and laughter, you denied me the right to live..happily ever after.

ek khyaal, bas yun hi............

**नहीं ज़रूरत है ज़माने तेरी नश्तर सी चुभती बातों की ,
मेरे आंसुओं सैलाब ही काफ़ी है ,मुझे डुबोने के लिए ....................


***नाज़ था जिस शफाक दामन पर हमें उम्र भर,
बेदर्द ज़माने ने उसे ही हमारा कफ़न बना दिया...............

Shards Of Dreams!

Barefooted i was walking in the retrospect , traversing, strolling through Life. Life i had lived, life i was made to live, life i chose, life bestowed on me, life i regret, life i didn't love, life i wanted to live. something pricked my foot, blood gushed out & i bend to see what happened.....oh it was a shard, very small but very significant, something i had long forgotten, something that was mine, solely mine but i had lost long back, no long- long back......it was my dream, pure, diminutive, pious , angelic. The shards were strewn all over, pieces small , miniscule which could not be put together and i didn't have the strength to put together or it was the patience i lacked , i think the willingness , no the acceptance of failure probably.What the heck, no body wanted to know anyways.
I yanked it out of my foot, it hurt, it pained, Why????????? Was i living as yet???????? WELL who cares. some more blood gushed , leaving a small hole at the site. I pressed the hole hard, very hard .Amazing, i could do so much with my numb upper limbs. I nursed it with some wet mud , wettened by some salty aqous flowing out of my eyes, it tasted strange. I limped , tripped, got up and limped again to finish off my chores.
Days after , I can't see the hole now, the blood stopped flowing long back . Wound has healed but theres some strange lines that cover the site now.....i got to know, its called a scar. Scar.......funny thing, it reminds me every now and then of the shard i threw out. The sharp piercing shard i turned my back on. The shard that again got lost into zillion pieces of its fraternity. The shard i intend not to encounter again. The shard i prefer to erase from my mind..........It was the shard of my dream . Yes, my dream!

Gist of life!

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening BY ROBERT FROST
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweepOf easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,And miles to go before I sleep,And miles to go before I sleep.

How much i adore this poem by robert frost, each word has a deep rooted meaning, the simplicity of words can make u admire his poetry at the surface level but try to invade the beauty of depth of his words........gradually, we all become engrossed in the rut of life & forget to admire the divine.

Time and tide waits for none!

Its so important to say the right thing at the right time else all one does in life is to regret.Often we ignore the most commonly heard idioms " a stich in time saves nine "and forget to follow its essence in day to day life , the consequence of which becomes the euphemism for us in life. Time mocks, tide passes and all that is left are a few glances. ......................Respect time, its now or never.

The "Living" Grave..........!

Death brings an end to life......
the anxiety, the curiosity,the lavishness, the bitterness, the ups and downs , the highs and lows.....everything vanishes, when death mows.

We all mourn the dead but forget to add that peace be with him.........he let goes of the life, he led. No one ever prays to this affect and I often wonder ,what the dead thinks when his life defacts????

The dead takes to his grave, all his desires, all his designs, his shattered dreams, his life's realms, his forgotten glory,his untold story, his half baked desires, his unsaid ires, His heart holds all the secrets, then why the world thinks, he is put to peace????

The coffin holds only his physical form, the real grave has his heart as a dorm.
The dead cannot move talk or even breathe but have all the time in the world to pay himself.......heed.

Death eluded me, Life excluded me, the place I stand at was never meant to be. Confusion, evasion, erosion of emotions are on the roll while my life witnesses me still standing tall.These words were never put to pen, never expected to escape their den, then , why the hell, reality dawned this hue, why life made me realize........... my heart is a grave too!!!

Straight from the heart..................SORRY!

How do I tell you I'm sorry -With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it I never realized I hurt you so very much?

I do not ask forgiveness,A comfort I'll never deserve.
I merely want to let you know,But I cannot find the nerve.

To finally confront you, face-to-face,To look you in the eye,
To face your wrath, your apathy -Too terrified to try.

You called me selfish, I turned away,
I festered and I fled;
Cutting and wounding and lashing out,Just to see if you bled.

Betraying and deceiving you,I surely had no right.
To snatch away such a precious gem;A dark thief in the night.

Twenty six years and forever passed
To bring us to this day,When I present these simple words
I never thought to say.

The time has come, it's long past due,To put aside my fear;
Would this confession torture you,Or have you longed to hear?

To hear those two forbidden words,To vanquish all the pain,To understand my dearest wish:To befriend you once again.

The years aged me remarkably,
Though they have not made me wise;
I do know I erred irrevocably -For that I apologize.