Trials & Tribulations!

The more I try, the more I fail
The more i fail, the more it pains
I strive harder but all in vain.....
I confess to you god, my spirit seems slain
relieve me, release me from this uneventful chain!

Phir naya aagaaz!

phir sametne baithi hoon jhaadoo se ummeed ke bikhre tinkon ko,
phir jodne nikli hoon falak se toote hue sitaron ko,
naye josh se phir tasveer banati hoon gar,
rang bikhar se jaate hain,
likhti hoon kahani nayi , kyon,
lafz nikhar nahin paate hain,
aks dekha aaine mein jo aaj khud ka ,
ik pal ko saham gayi,
ye ajnabi si kyon jhankti hui, meri apni hi aankhen hain.....

In Search Of Self!

THEN STILLNESS STIRS BY DEEPTI NAVAL (From her book, BLACK WIND)
Just after we make love, or perhapsAfter we don’t
For that something
There’s this absence, this moth-eatenGnawing sense of the missingI can’t remember since when –
At the edge of the balconyWhere I see the seaFaint, appear traces of me
I move out of bed, andStart to rummage
I know it’s here somewhere…
Buried under stacks of loose sheetsAnd the chaos of togetherness
Something of what is still called me!

This poem is the true reflection of my tryst within, the void that i feel, the helplessness i experience, it echoes all the emotions of a battered heart ..makes me think and rethink, where and how i lost myself in this journey, the co-passengers are still around , the voyage ,the luggage still the same, that something missing is perhaps me, i am unable to find even the traces of my entity.......

Answer me god.....

A diminutive fledgling wanted a nest, u gave her the cage, is this justice god???????

Aren't you done yet, decieving me, betraying me, trumping me, smashing me, wasn't I your own child??????
Did I wrong so much to deserve this, was i that bad your daughter??????
Aren't you done yet, making me the sacrificial cow, ready for slaughter??????
I erred in expecting a gift of happiness and laughter, you denied me the right to live..happily ever after.

ek khyaal, bas yun hi............

**नहीं ज़रूरत है ज़माने तेरी नश्तर सी चुभती बातों की ,
मेरे आंसुओं सैलाब ही काफ़ी है ,मुझे डुबोने के लिए ....................


***नाज़ था जिस शफाक दामन पर हमें उम्र भर,
बेदर्द ज़माने ने उसे ही हमारा कफ़न बना दिया...............

Shards Of Dreams!

Barefooted i was walking in the retrospect , traversing, strolling through Life. Life i had lived, life i was made to live, life i chose, life bestowed on me, life i regret, life i didn't love, life i wanted to live. something pricked my foot, blood gushed out & i bend to see what happened.....oh it was a shard, very small but very significant, something i had long forgotten, something that was mine, solely mine but i had lost long back, no long- long back......it was my dream, pure, diminutive, pious , angelic. The shards were strewn all over, pieces small , miniscule which could not be put together and i didn't have the strength to put together or it was the patience i lacked , i think the willingness , no the acceptance of failure probably.What the heck, no body wanted to know anyways.
I yanked it out of my foot, it hurt, it pained, Why????????? Was i living as yet???????? WELL who cares. some more blood gushed , leaving a small hole at the site. I pressed the hole hard, very hard .Amazing, i could do so much with my numb upper limbs. I nursed it with some wet mud , wettened by some salty aqous flowing out of my eyes, it tasted strange. I limped , tripped, got up and limped again to finish off my chores.
Days after , I can't see the hole now, the blood stopped flowing long back . Wound has healed but theres some strange lines that cover the site now.....i got to know, its called a scar. Scar.......funny thing, it reminds me every now and then of the shard i threw out. The sharp piercing shard i turned my back on. The shard that again got lost into zillion pieces of its fraternity. The shard i intend not to encounter again. The shard i prefer to erase from my mind..........It was the shard of my dream . Yes, my dream!